Touched

Last week Brandy posted this about the struggles of meeting new friends after your loss. I could relate and agreed that meeting new moms with my rainbow baby is sometimes awkward and hard.

When Caleb died I had a hard time letting go of so many things. One of them being the dreams I had of him growing up with my friends' babies. I was pregnant with quite a few friends and all our babies were due within months of one another. I had envisioned play dates, visits to the park, and them all starting school together. After he died, so did those dreams. I was angry at God for this for a long time, but eventually just accepted it, gave Him those relationships and surrendered.

Fast forward to Abigail's pregnancy: I had a few well meaning people and spiritual leaders tell me when I was pregnant with her that I needed to "force myself to be around my old friends and see their babies." They said that if I didn't, who would I hang out with once Abigail was born? It felt wrong and I didn't agree, not because I didn't want the friendships back, but because my heart was still shattered and I couldn't just pretend it wasn't. In the end I knew that God was bigger. If He could walk with us through the hell of losing Caleb then He could certainly find me a few new friends if Abigail actually did make it out alive.

I don't remember how old Abigail was, but sometime last June (I think??) I got invited to be part of a moms group. I honestly don't know how I got invited into the group, but it didn't matter. I was desperate for some fellowship to help me through the sleepless nights. The group turned out to be great. We meet once or twice a week, let the kids play, catch up, and do moms nights out. In total there are 6 of us all with babies within 2-3 months of one another. God has given me a support group without even looking!

This weekend was our Christmas party. The kids had exchanged names and everyone had a  friend to buy for. All the unwrapping was fun and the babies liked their gifts. Imagine my surprise when the group announced they had a present for Caleb. I was speechless. I had shared my story with these women, and they had always been so kind with letting me mention his name. But again, they didn't know me when I was pregnant with him, they never met him or came to his funeral. I opened the gift to find a beautiful statue for Caleb's memory shelf. It was hand-crafted to represent our family. I could have cried! I am still so touched about the gift. I cannot believe the thoughtfulness and compassion these women have given me. They not only let me talk about Caleb but acknowledge him themselves.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart! It may seem like a small thing but for Caleb to be remembered is so kind.  God is good, He showed himself to me this weekend for sure. Thank you Jesus for your faithfulness and your goodness!

Our Family:)

On Caleb's Memory Shelf