As Mass was letting out, everyone kept yelling "Happy Easter" to one another as they left the pews. There was so much happiness. And I wanted to feel it and I did to an extent, but my heart was still so sad. I could feel the emptiness inside of me from missing Caleb. I kept thinking "how many more Easters do I have to live without him?"
As we made our way out the doors, I asked Nathan if we could stop and pray in the side chapel for a bit. Once we were in there I felt free to let the tears come. I was so frustrated, why couldn't I be happy? He has Risen! Why can't I enter into it? My heart just kept breaking for my own loss and others losses. I knew that just because Easter had come on the calendar, so many people were still suffering and in their own hell. As I tried to talk through my tears and big gasps of air, Nathan said something that stuck with me and made me feel better. He said, " You are still sad because you are like our Mother-she has one heart, but it is called the Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart of Mary. She carries all the joy and sorrow at once in her heart." Ah-Ha! Now that made sense to me. Mary does carry both sorrow and joy simultaneously in her heart. She gets it-and that gave me peace. It also helped me enter into the happiness more. Thank you Mary for your wisdom.
Immaculate and Sorrowful Heart of Mary-Pray for us!
(Pierced with a sword, but still so beautiful)