Friday, April 11, 2014

Finding Comfort in the Storm

March is hard because it's the beginning of Caleb's season. Then there is April and Easter and as my Facebook so kindly reminded me today with this add from a clothing company:

Coordinate You & Your Little Ones in Bright Matching Dresses This Mother's Day!
Mothers Day is also just around the corner. And it feels like one thing on top of another. I saw my counselor yesterday and wow-I forgot how great counselors are! She validated and reaffirmed everything I'm feeling. I think the biggest thing I've gathered from going to counseling for almost 3 years now is that they help you put words to your feelings. This is how our conversation went:

Me: I feel heavy
Her: Like you are wearing a winter coat that is drenched in water?

Me:I don't know why but year 3 is harder than I thought it would be
Her: Most parents report that at year 3 they expected to have a more gentler experience with their grief. At year 3 most parents report having their grief be very strong in intensity, something they did not expect.
Thank you

So, yeah counseling helps, SO MUCH. The main point that I took away from yesterday's session is to try and do something each day that brings me comfort. So here is my list of a few things I've done already and some Im going to keep doing in order to get through this hard season:

-Sleep-naps, naps, and more naps. Even though I can find 100 reasons not to nap, Im going to because grief is exhausting.

-Visit with friends. One friend in particular always makes my favorite dip when I visit. I called her up recently and said "Im a mess, can I come over, eat and chat?" She of course said yes and being with her brought me so much comfort.

-Planning to go out to breakfast with the nurse that delivered Caleb next week on the 14th (the day we found out he had died). I can't explain it but being with Laura makes me feel safe and brings me comfort. Im actually looking forward to the 14th!

-Listen to favorite music

-Watch t.v. shows that have very little drama in them. So cooking shows or the Office reruns. I just need to zone out for a while

-Be around people who understand. Visiting more support groups this season, being with other grievers

-Playing with Abigail and our dog

-Visiting the hospital. So a little creepy, but honestly I find so much comfort at the hospital we delivered Caleb. And lucky for me my husband works there! So I've been planning more lunch trips to visit him or going early to pick him up. Just walking the halls and visiting the gift shop make me feel closer to Caleb. Sometimes Abigail and I go early and get a snack from the cafeteria and then look out the big windows. I can't explain it, but the hospital brings me comfort so I go there more this season.

-Im going to go back through all the condolence cards we received after Caleb died and re-reading them for encouragement.

-Reading scripture that lifts me up

Those are just a few of the things that Im doing to bring comfort. Trying to hang on while April keeps going....

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