You could have stopped it

When Caleb died, at first, I leaned on God every minute to get me through. I didn't ask questions, I just clung to Him while the storm raged. It's been 16 months now and the storm has settled. The questions are starting to come to the surface a lot. I can seem to understand that God did not want Caleb to die. He hates death and suffering just as much as I do. But then my mind wonders to the next question,"But God could have stopped Caleb's death and He didn't."I know God is all powerful and all loving and in my world that would equal my son here. But he isn't here and I'm left with that nagging question of "why didn't you stop it?Why didn't you step in at the last minute and save him?"

A few weeks ago at mass, after receiving the Eucharist, I was praying and again my heart was asking that question. God answered. I felt Him telling me "Because I don't run from death. Because I'm not scared of death. Because I have conquered death. Because the dead still live. If I went around stopping everyones' loved ones from dying, it would give the enemy power. It would show that I was afraid of death and wanted to keep my children from it. But I am not scared, that is why I died on the cross. I overcame death. You can overcome it too. You have experienced death and you still live. Death is not the worst thing. Death is not the end."

Wow, that left me with a lot of peace. I am still pondering all of it and don't really know where to go with it. But I wanted to share it for those grieving out there and questioning. I'm a firm believer that God can handle any questions you have. Bring them to Him and then sit with Him and rest in Him.

Here is my new favorite song. I feel like it was literally written for me. It speaks to my heart and the words seem to come from God Himself. I feel like in this grieving process sometimes all I want to do is run from God, not to Him. God continues to show me over and over again that He is the red against my black. His blood is the red against the darkness. He has overcome death. My favorite line in the song is "the dead will live again. You will see those dry bones dancing, in a death-defying marvelous parade." Oh Caleb, I can't wait to see that parade one day- miss you sweet boy!