This was written on Christmas, posted today! Sorry for confusion!
Today is Christmas. It turned out to not be as hard as I thought it would be. That seems to be typical of grief- the things I think will be hard are not and the things I think will be easy are hard.
While at mass this morning I really felt God's abundant love and grace moving. I cried through the entire thing and it all started with one word in the opening song "adore." It hit me like a ton of bricks. Today is the Christ child's birthday- and so many people forget it or ignore it or don't even care. There are so many people who do not "adore" Him.
I cried for Mother Mary. After burying Caleb, I began to relate to Mary in a way I never could have before. Today my heart ached for her. I know how terrible it feels to have your child ignored. The child you loved and carried within you for nine months, your own flesh and blood. For me one of the hardest things about having a stillbirth is the silence. Few people bring it up and the majority act like nothing ever happened. It pains me when people don't recognize my child.
But here is the thing- Caleb was just human. In a way, its easy to understand why people ignore him because he isn't all that important to others. But Jesus, Mary's son, was also the son of God! He took on our sins and by His blood we are saved. And today was his birthday and people forgot. I went to Mary in prayer and told her I will always adore her son, even if everyone else forgets him. I used to think that Mary wanted people to know about Jesus because, well, he was Jesus. But now I realize it was also because he was her son. Just how I always want to talk about Caleb when someone asks, because he is my son and I am proud of him. I only knew Caleb for 38 weeks and 4 days and I have so much to say. Can you imagine what Mary can tell us about her son whom she spent 33 years with???
The Catholic Church is incredible with her devotion to Mary. It is not in a "worship Mary" sense, but more in a "go to her and she will tell you about Him," sense. Today I grieved with Mary, for Mary. It was her baby's birthday and so many people don't care.
For all of you mothers out there who have lost a child, please remember that you can go to Mary. She too held her dead son. She knows what its like to have people forget your baby. May we never stop asking Mary to tell us about her little boy, the Christ child born in a manger.