Thursday, July 18, 2013

You're Still Missing

I put Abigail down for a nap. I start the process of cleaning and picking up the house while trying to stay quiet. These months, when the grief is less intense, have been refreshing.  I can go days without breaking down or crying and mostly when I think about Caleb I just feel happy that he existed. But even at a time when things feel most "normal," my heart still knows he's gone. As I put things away I keep thinking, "theres something else." I couldnt shake this feeling today of something being out of place. And then it hit me-he's still gone. It sucks to realize it over and over again that your baby died and isnt coming home. I searched for this song today because it always says what I cannot. He's still missing, and even in the good months,even when everything seems to be falling in place, my heart still feels it, still feels the empty space that he should be filling.

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