Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Coming up for Air
That's what June and July feel like-coming up for air after being underwater for a long time. These two months, these two sweet, sweet months hold no natural triggers for me and my grief. No due dates, conception dates, anniversaries of any sort. Caleb's story goes from August until May and then I feel as if I get a break. Don't get me wrong, Im still thinking about him, still grieving him, but the weight just isn't there, the heaviness is gone. And it feels nice. Refreshing. Freeing. Like I have a chance to inhale before I go under again. Because even though I want to believe its gone, its not. There will be an "under again," moment or day or month. But for now Im enjoying these two months. Looking forward to continuing to live life to the fullest. Thank you Lord for this chance to come up for air.
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I'm glad you are on the up-swing. Me on the other hand, not so much. Last June was the last month I was pregnant and feeling Sophia kicking and moving so much. The first week of July was filled with anxiety and a feeling that something was wrong. July 5-no heartbeat, July 6-gave birth. I am stuck in that feeling of trying to walk underwater again and I'm sure that feeling is going to last for another month or two. Thank you for being so real and honest. And for understanding why I haven't emailed you back still!
ReplyDeleteYou have been on my heart so much! The first anniversary is so hard and so many memories. I understand the underwater feeling! Just keep moving one day at a time...Praying to Sophia to intercede for your family and give you consolation.
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